I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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