just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
