you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
