My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
