My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
