Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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