I accidentally had phone sex last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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