First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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