If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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