alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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