Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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