Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize