I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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