My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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