I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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