I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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