I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
