we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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