turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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