just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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