Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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