I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
