i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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