bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize