I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
