He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
