Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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