Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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