Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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