i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
