WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
