Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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