My friends, they love my intelligence
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
