matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
