so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
