Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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