dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
