The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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