Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
