Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize