6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
