just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I look better un-naked...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
