She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
