Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
