she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
