Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
