do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
