Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
