remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize