so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
