he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
