yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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