moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
