Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
