I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
