thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
