Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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