Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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