Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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