He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
50% drunk capacity currently
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
