I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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