So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
